I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
