2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
