Apparently you make a good broom.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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