Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
