Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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