Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
