K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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