I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
