ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
