I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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