The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
