Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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