Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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