Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
