remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize