your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
