Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
