So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
