I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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