I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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