I'm eating all of the evidence.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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