Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize