Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish I only lived at night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
