I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
