meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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