Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize