So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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