I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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