i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize