3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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