Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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