Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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