no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize