I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
