I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
