I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
