he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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