i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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