whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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