I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
