I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
