is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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