i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
