One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
