Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
