i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
