i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We need to get me chipped asap
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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