cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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