I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
