I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
