Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
