my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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