Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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