i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
