so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
