I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
