Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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