He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
