just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
