I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
