Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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