the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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