these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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