Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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