I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
