just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
