just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
