Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
