would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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