Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
