I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
