I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
