my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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