Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
