Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
