You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize