a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
