You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
