Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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