I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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