Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize