her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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