Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
