If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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